The Mid-Autumn Festival

Just before I left Hong Kong, there were these decorations that started to appear everywhere, a rabbit, some pink flowers, and lots of lanterns hanging about. I thought it felt exciting new, like seeing a Christmas tree for the first time, but to most people I'm sure it felt mundane the way we feel when you see turkeys every November. Tonight I was riding home from youth group a couple hours early, because I'm feeling a little under the weather, and I saw the reason for all the mid-autumn festival decorations, the huge moon above the horizon and the rabbit staring out at me. All of a sudden while humming down the dusty back roads of the reservation I was also in the bustling cramped city streets asking my cousin why there were rabbits everywhere. I was also thinking of all the kids in youth group, back there listening to today's lesson from Corey and I prayed they'd listen and have fun. The next few weeks it will be my turn and I thought as I often do, of what I'll say. But, more than what I hope to say, I really want to hope in the message I give, I want to give it with heart and spirit. The first talk I'll give is about getting free from "the hook" of temptation. As I felt the sun falling behind me and the moon was round in front of me, I felt a jump in my heart, a hope that we would be free from our junk. Somehow remembering that rabbit and the decorations in Hong Kong helped me fill up with something good, and it wasn't just nostalgia. Its just that Hong Kong often reminds me of how broken and scared I am, and at the same time how drastically and abundantly loved I am at the same time. Its a crazy world isn't it? A world with words like wurm and cacophony.

Back on Home Soil

When I first arrived back in the states, everyone seemed big and loud, I felt there was all the sudden and excess of space and an absence of noise. Waking up that first day in my little apartment in Toppenish Washington, I laid in my bed listening to the still late morning it was wonderful and disorienting. It took me a couple days to get back on my feet, and i must say returning home is much easier than arriving in a new world. It has suprised me how easily i can slip back into my normal way of speaking, living and doing. Still, I have changed and its hard to see how at times. I don't feel especially brave or learned, but there is a subtle change in my soul and way. Perhaps I've just grown up every so slightly.
Now that I've been back almost two weeks, I've been dreaming of Hong Kong. I had a dream that I was there and I was about to leave. So I took a walk with someone about the city one last time. The city was old and cobblestoned, very unlike the real Hong Kong, it was so beautiful and nostalgic that I cried and cried in the dream. I woke up feeling sad. But, I've returned to my little desert in the dry wilderness and am waiting and walking along. Hong Kong was like my Mt. Horeb, the place where the Israelites traveled to, to remember what Yehova spoke to their ancestors, a place they went to find Him themselves. And, indeed I did, I told a friend recently that one of the things I learned in Hong Kong was that I actually believe in God. This is because I met him there, and its good to know he really is omnipotent and present in all places.
Yakama is much as I left it, although the landscape of my life has changed and is continueing to change. In general I don't feel much prepared for my life, or for challenges ahead. Its kind of scary. Sometimes, in my moments of doubt I wonder if I should just go home and choose and easier life, one that others understand, a job that pays more and requires less of me. But, then God reminds me that I can trust Him, and that even if I am scared without the answers, he will still provide for me if I ask. His love is real, and so is He. It is good to be back on my home soil.

Two Days left ando9 I've skipped a lot

The last few days have felt like a whirlwind, there is so much I'm experiencing in such a short amount of time. Looking my last at certian places I just want to take it all in and make lots of memories that will last. Today I rode my last time on the Kowloon MTR line, the green one. And I like this ride a lot because the subway lifts its head out of the dark for about five or six stops so you can see the buildings and scenery around. There are more mountians and places not developed on the Kowloon side, in general there is much more space because...obviously its on the mainland and not part of Hong Kong isalnd. Kowloon is basically the city across the bay from Hong Kong and is part of Hong Kong's Specail Administrative Region in China. The SAR extends even further into what is called the New Territories as well. I like looking out and seeing all the buildings some look shabby on the outside, like they are just slowly curroding, there are even ones with big green plants sprouting out of their cracks. In most windows there is laundry hanging. There are always lots of billboards and advertisments too, this I find semi annoying but it ads to the artistic qualities of the city in a way, some of them are quite creative. I also finished my last class today, "American Slang". It was fun actually, and then made my way down ShawKeiWan road for the last time I'm sure for at least a couple years. I've gotten used to all the sights of that road that I walk Monday thru Friday, all the same shops and hawkers, the trollies humming and clanking down the middle of the road, and the traffic zooming by. I went to a baker I've grown to like, and got some dan taut (egg tarts) and bo lo bow (pinapple bun) and a mango juice box...all for eight HK dollars...which equals about a dollar US. I will miss the bakeries and the yum cha (dim sum) and the very yummy japanese desserts. There is a little store on the corner where my office building is, two of my student's parents own this shop full of household items. I'll miss everything cramped together, the dingy alleys and hidden black market shops. If it's possible even, I'll miss the nasty smells that at first were so poignant but now quite muted actually. Unless of course, I walk by a Chinese medicine cafe...then I always wrinkle my nose...those herbal chinese drinks, although very good for you, smell and taste horrible. It is sort of a saying I think that the worse a medicine tastes the better it is for you. I've been running around saying my good byes and having last dinners, giving and recieving gifts. Mostly, trying to say thank you and show gratitude to all the ppl who have made my stay wonderful and who have given me lots of care. Maybe its a Chinese thing, but there is sort of an idea that you are indebted to the older ppl that take care of you, and if you don't give something in return some balance is out of wack. I didn't realize I think that way until now, but I actually do. When its unhealthy I think ppl just try to save face and not look bad, when it's healthy ppl genuinly want to show gratitude and give to others. Hopefully I fall into the latter category, but honestly sometimes its a thin line.
My students at the kindergarden are precious, I'll miss their little faces giggling at me and looking up with such fresh curiosity. At the Shun On Kindergarden, I feel like a celebrety of sorts. Most of my time is spent looking nice and greeting kids and parents as they drop of their little bundles of joy. Most kids come in and the outgoing ones say Jo sun (good morning) to everyone: the cleaning/cooking ladies, the secretaries, the teachers, the principal, my grandma (the owner), me (Miss Brenda) etc. You sort of nod your head to everyone and bow a little, but not like in Japan where you really bow. its more like a nod, but the kids bow sometimes and so does Pau Pau (grandma). There is one little boy who comes in every day crying for his mom, and usually he doesn't stop for a while, its comical. Pau pau is soo cute, she touches the little kids faces and makes them say "Good morning Miss Brenda" to me or " Good morning Missy" or " Missy Jo Sun". When I shake their hands or look at the kids, they sort of squeal or laugh, and get really excited. Lots of times I'll walk down the hall and a little girl or boy will just yell "Good morning miss Brenda" or just "Miss Brenda" and then wave. How cute are they? HOnestly I don't do much in class accept read cards and get them to point at objects and say their english name. We sing songs and do little hand motions, its quite fun actually. They asked me to stay the whole year, but that seems a little much. I don't know how I'd do that at this point, although I do feel I'm just getting used to life here and wouldn't mind staying longer. I'm not frightend of HK anymore, and I feel more like an HK person these days accept that in general I'll nevery quite fit in which is a strange thing to know. But, I don't feel sad or bad about that, it is just the way things are in HK and in the US too, no chinese born person will ever feel totally accepted as an American because their look, same with me.
I do want to come back, but this expereince feels like a once in a lifetime thing, at least the living here for two months part. I may never get that chance again. And it has been a dream fulfilled, although I don't know what all the fruit of this expereince will be. Its like two years ago during the winder time, sitting in my apartment in Toppenish I prayed and asked God if it was possible for me to come here that he would make a way, and well he has. Its harder for ppl in HK to come visit me and that makes me sad, stupid exchange rate!!! The ticket alone to the US, is some HK ppl's months wage and its also my months wage around a thousand US dollars. This feels like a stream of lots of thoughts..and it is. But, that is the reality of me at the moment. Soon I'll be plunging back into my life in the US, and hopefully I'll take it easy so I don't get too stressed and forget all I've learned over the summer about taking time for solitude and the presence of God. When I'm not boxed in like i am here, sometimes I just run all over the place like a chicken with its head cut off. But, I hope i won't do that. I hope I'll be trusting and not get caught up again in all my strivings.
I skipped a lot of events, including the second part of my trip to China and a butt load of other stuff, perhaps I will catch up on some of that stuff later. For now bu bye.

Macau: Where have all the Taxis gone

This is a two installment entry because I took a little trip across the bay to Macau and then crossed the border from there into China. The Macau part is called "Where have all the Dicsees (Taxis) gone" because that was the main theme of our experience expecially on the first day. For some reason the small Island of Macau is home to 400,000 thousand people, a small number compared to HK's 7 mil. This formere Porteguese colony is like HK's euro-latin cousin. It seems that Macau is made up mostly of blue collar workers and has resently begun to import professionals and investors from overseas. Including American investors who have begun to build enourmous casinos that attract an influx of tourists from Hong Kong, China and all over the world. What this has meant for the local people, is that most young people try to work at the casinos because they pay the most money, leaving the local establisments at a loss. This perhaps is not that unlike the situations in Reservations where young people can usually only get jobs at the Casino or none. The investment in tourist industries has also meant that there is a sort of jetlag in the accomidation of transportation to meet the teeming swarms of visitors who have no idea where they are. This is why, a group of Hong Kong natives got lost in Macau, who are perhaps so used to a Taxi on every street corner and buses to everywhere. We spent most of the first day getting lost, but we found, after asking many strangers, a bus to a little shopping street. It was on one of the islands of Macau called Taipa, a portugese word that I think means "boy street" or something to do with a boy because the chinese character was boy on the sign. We ate at this littel portugese resturant...but I didn't eat anything but rolls. I had gastrocitis or something...honestly don't ask me what it means the doctor said that word and I asked, what does that mean. After five minutes of my cousin trying to tell me what it meant, I still was at a loss. Something to do with bad food and grease and my intestines. Anyways the cure is no eating anything but plain foods for two to three days. Unfortunately those three days were spent in Macau and Zhong San. I liked the euro-latin mix with chinese feel, it was fun to hear latin music and see chinese people. There are amazingly cute buidings, it really felt like Europe in some places, although I've never really been there.
After eating we went to the down town central square, which was gorgeous in the evening, with all the lights. All the streets were cobbled and many were black and white cobbles. The buildings were sweet. I took many pictures. There are these really old churches, that have huge flat colomed fronts with amazing doors. One had a yellow outside and green doors. Everthing looked like something out of a movie to me, with coulpes and old ladies sitting on the steps of beautiful buildings. We went up to see the ruins of an old church that had burnt down just leaving the front slab which is held up by steel bars. It is called "the ruins of St. Augustine's Church" I think. My little cousins and their friend Jordon, who is one of my students, bought some sparklers and we lit them by the ruins. I felt like a little kid, I haven't played with a sparkler since... I was 15 or something. It was fun to play. But, I was ever reminded that I'm usually thrown in with the kids even though I'm not. When I'm with family here everyone treats me like a BB...that is how they pronounce "Baby". After a while it gets sort of wearisome, although i'm grateful its nice to sometimes feel you can give something and are responsible enough to feed, clothe and wash yourself. Or maybe I just like being capable.
After that, yes we had a late night, we tried to find our way home and got lost again. but, this time it was kind of fun, it started to rain. And again, this was a down pour. the city was even prettier in the rain, with all the streets and signs blurred and glossy. With the rain making puddles and reflections coming down all over our maps and heads. Macau that evening was one of my favorite times on the trip, especially when it rained. We found sanctuary in a Casino and on the side of the casino. It took us over an hour to get to the house we stayed at, we were tired and foot sore, I was cranky. But, it was a good long day afterall.

ChrisDean

My big sis, just started a blog of her own, and her's is cooler looking than mine...Dang. Oh well, I might have to admit that Dean(Christine) has better taste in general than I do. I've been thinking of my big sis lately because she's just moved to San Mateo, California which has been a subject that I've thought much about here in HK. We each, deal with the distance in different ways, but we actually don't talk about it much with each other. Possibly because we know exactly what the other is really thinking, but not saying. This confirmed by our blogs, probably. Hehe. She, is shocked that I cannot follow here there, and I equally am stalled by the reality.
My Grandmother Leola, my mum's mum, once told me that she had always dreamed that her children would not just be siblings but that they'd actually be friends. Grandma reminds me a lot of Christine, some of her qualities skipped my mum like a river rock and hit Dean on the head. Not that my mum is not like either of them. I am not sure what it is, maybe just the mannerisms, and faith, maybe both of them are quiet firey women, who you can build things around because they will almost always be steady and tell you the truth. At the same time, you never want to dissapoint them, because they are matriarchs. My sister, being a pre-matriarch as she doesn't have kids yet. I realized a while back that my Dean is a rare lily. Gentle and kind as a kitten, sometimes overlooked, but a scary angry cat when she's cranky, or when protecting people she loves. Ha, I think Clint (her husband) likened her to a cat when I asked him about it for a game I did at her bridal shower.
Right now, it feels as if we both are being pushed to let each other go in some way. Being pushed out of the comfort of the companionship we've enjoyed for the last 24 years. No matter where we went, whether with mum, or dad, we were together. Even when she lived in Seattle and I in Yakama, we usually visited family together when we went. But, now it'll be me in the NW and her and the rest of my siblings in SoCal. Like my brother said, I guess we will see if we follow God's will together, although we are apart. He also said that he thinks we are given certian times to be with certian people. And it seems that that is true too. We don't know where the wind is going, or where it comes from, it moves on its own. So this is for my Dean, perhaps it is hard because God is distracting us while he grows something beautiful and precious in our midsts.

Snap Shots of a Rainy Sunday

Snap Shots of a Sunday
I.
I grab my over full purse and little plastic bag, that has been warped a little by my heavy Chinese-English bible, quickly slough of my yellow slippers, and open a big wooden door that leads out into a small hallway. Reaching into the cupboard I pick out my white converse shoes and throw them unceremoniously into the hallway closing the door behind me. I feel the outside of my bag to make sure I have the door key safely tucked in the outer pocket. Opposite me is another door with a metal gate over it, and I hear the piano playing a familiar classical tune as I push the lift button and rush to put on my shoes. The lift arrives with a little ding and the sound of the doors muffling open and closed, I breath a little taking in my reflection and then wincing…unfortunately I didn’t wake up as a supermodel today. Then I realize I didn’t want to be one anyways, I like being scruffy…yes that’s right who wants to be on a subway wall for goodness sake.

The doorman says jo sun and so do I, then off I go crossing the car garage to the main lobby elevator into the main lobby, saying hello to the other doorman, crossing the street and loading onto the yellow and green 14M shuttle bus that takes me wricketing down the hill to Yun Ping Road.

II.
Waiting on the corner of Yun Ping Road where I usually meet my cousin Anna to taxi pool to church, swing my hands impatiently. It is over cast and about 25 degrees celcius; the humidity is starting to make me sticky, but not enough to fog my glasses when I step outside. I give her a call and get her voicemail that speaks to me happily in Cantonese. I think she’s sleeping, drat. Five minutes later when I’m shopping around a nearby department store, Anna calls to say she’s woken up late and I’ll have to grab a taxi myself. Yikes. Never done that before.

I climb the escalator back to the street and find a nearby taxi stand, as I cross the street I can’t recall if Anna said to tell the driver, CRC, or CFC. I phone her again and she helps me memorize the name in Chinese. It stays in my head long enough to tell the driver, who nods and says, “Ho ah.” Yes!! Taxis are never smooth, but this guy is honking at every person who looks at him slyly. He calls at least three other taxi drivers, Chee-sheen (crazy!!), and then to a man pushing a full cart uphill he yells to in Chinese, “Hey you, run faster!” He looks over at me and talks in Chinese, I nod and say ho ah even though I’m not sure what he said and I hand him the 15 HK dollars saying m goi sai (thank you). I survived the taxi experience, it’s starting to rain big droplets and I cross the busy street playing chicken with the oncoming traffic.

III.
Greeted by a tall thin glass door and a man at the door I’ve never seen before says to me in a thick accent, “good morning,” I arrive to church fifteen minutes early. Paul, a regular attendee, introduces me to the doorman as “Sampson, our missionary.” Sampson tells me he just returned from Seattle, WA, and I ask what he was doing there. He replies that he’ll try to explain although his English is poor. Sampson is very kind and explains that he was trying to apply for a visa to immigrate to US. His daughter needs some better doctor care, but he feels nervous about his chances of making it over there. He has a high school education, he worked, and his family was poor. Three daughters, two of them twins, but he trusts even if it is impossible God will make a way.
Sampson invites me to go to China if I have a burden to share the gospel. Every Sunday he goes to church here and then goes to a bordering city in china to an underground church to preach. They are laborers too, who find it hard in the city, they are open and need more long term care. I feel elated to hear such news, to hear of people who live on the graces of God, and who risk imprisonment or “monkey business.” Sampson says police will make you pay them off if you are caught having an underground church meeting, this is “monkey business,” he says. Its nice to have a conversation with a missionary, Sampson has faith in his manner; I can see why people become Christians around him.

VI.
It is cold in the little restaurant, the narrow room that falls back from the road. But, Anna puts a colorful turquoise shall around the both of us. Her hands look so tiny… come to think of it…she’s so tiny. All 15 or so of us crowd on stools around three tables. We cannot put out our elbows, but people chat animatedly. I am not feeling socialable, not sure why. I want to talk around and be my silly self, its sort of hard to do that. I eat as much as I can, but my stomach starts to turn a little. Anna asks me what I want to drink, and even though I don’t really want anything I say ling cha (lemon tea). The tea makes my stomach feel worse. I like that six of us at the table are part of my family in one way or another, either by direct cousinhood, or by marriage or girlfriend status. Anna pays the bill and we all calculate how much we need to give her in our heads or on cell phones.

V.

There is an extra ticket to go to a worship concert, I am not sure if I will be able to understand any of it. But, my cousin Rita invites me, so I go. Until that point I was wondering if its better if I go home, I’m not feeling too hot and sort of being mopey. For some reason I say yes anyways. Rita is ecstatic; this is her husband’s favorite thing to do in the world. She joggles my head a little after I tell her she should stay in HK because in the states she’d feel like a midget. Still, I have to bend over in order for her to reach my head.

The concert is a group of ABCs (American Born Chinese) who are originally from Taiwan. They sing and write their own music, there are lots of Christians here who like them. We get there, and the place is swarming. On the stage is a band full of young stylish Chinese people, to the left an enormous choir, and filled in the front are about six lead singers jumping around and singing worship songs. Thankfully there is English translation on the screen for the song words. Sometimes I try in Mandarin when I get tired of trying that I sing in English. Sometimes I say nothing and just take in everything. It’s nice but overwhelming. A violin starts to play and I woman takes to lead mic. She says in English something about God exchanging our bad things for his good things: our sadness for joy, our anger for patience, and our loneliness for comfort. I feel loneliness well inside of me mixed with fear and uncertainty, I want an exchange, I want good things, and I ask for them. Next to me, my cousin Anna is crying too, she’s crying more than me and keeps crying. A couple times she doesn’t catch my eye, I don’t want to embarrass her so I don’t say anything. It is still raining outside when it ends and we walk back into it and off to some afternoon tea.

VI.
It is near seven o’clock when Anna and I arrive at her flat. In the doorway I sigh a big sigh. Anna goes to freshen up her face before dinner and I slump down on the sofa and lean my head back feeling very tired. I hear lots of washing sounds and open my eyes when some piano music comes on. At first, I think its Anna playing her piano that’s been covered in little things over time, but then I realize it’s a CD. The music fills me up a little as dusk starts to suck the light from the room down over the street, and the football fields, the skyscrapers, the ocean and starts to disappear, melting over the horizon. I want to ask Anna about today, but I can’t find an un-intrusive way to do it. Then she appears around the corner with a little shower cap covering the top part of her hair. “I don’t know if you could catch it, but Sampson said some things after the sermon. He said he was glad to see me going to the church because he’d been praying for me for a while to start coming regularly. Actually, I have been hesitating to go to this church for about a month.” She goes on to tell why she wasn’t sure about going, but that she had actually started joining the church on Sunday because of me at first. I ask her, not sure what to say rubbing my head on my arm tiredly, if she is glad she’s going now. She says, “Yes, I am glad you are here,” and disappears again around the corner to do some more freshening. It starts to smell clean and purfumey. I listen again to the music and smile to myself searching out the now darkened window. A couple of my tears fall down onto my lap but I slop them off with my hand. The sad Brenda has disappeared as thankfulness overcomes me. Its nice to know my coming to HK, was a small stone on a scale for Anna, the one that tipped it so it touched down and stayed. This is definitely a miracle, and more gracious than humanly possible. I have no need to ask about her teary day.

VII.
The mini bus shakes as it climbs back up the hill to Uncle Tony’s where dinner and family are waiting. The night sky his hidden by the clouds, but the city lights blink at me like little diamonds as I walk a little ways from the bus stop to the main lobby, back over the car-park, into building J, up the lift to the 25th floor, take off my white converse and step back in through the big wooden door, just in time for 7:30 dinner with the Chung family, some silly conversation and a football game.

Super Naughty Fat Boy

Today I got to go to the country side of HK to see my cousin Rita's place. I really liked it, you know me, I like the country and scenery stuff. It took maybe an hour to get there and the crew of younger cousins joined us, Billy, Vivien, Eric, Anna and I. By younger what I really mean is under fourty, because well most of them are my seniors by no less than ten years. Although I think ages are different in HK, these days people don't get married until maybe thirty or late twenties because of money I think. Its so expensive to by a house. Ok, so we went there and the streets are all bumpy and narrow. There are tropical trees on every side, with big ole leaves an such. And then we parked on the side of the "road", and a foot or so away is this little drop off into the tropicl forest or what not. It was wicked. Eric tried to convince me that it would be safe to jump down, but I thought I'd not try my luck. There wer also actual house looking houses. Most houses in HK are more like what we would call apartments really, but you buy them like condos. They were still in apartment form, close together, however there was little yards and the like and in general more space. Rita and Justin have a quaint little house that is pretty antique style inside.
We also met their sons, whose names elude me at the moment...but actually they are cats. One is knicknamed "super naughty fat boy", he is quite frisky although he is ho fei, that is very fat. And it was hilarious because Vivien is very afraid of cats and kept hiding behind Billy and squeeking every time one walked within a three foot radius of her. It was wierd the cats are sort of like dogs, and they sort of obey and sit...stuff like that.
I had a good time, just clowning around and hanging out, although they have a habit of talking in chinese so fastly and I can't understand very much anyways. Eric I think got so bored he fell asleep on the couch. The evening was fun for me, the busted out the piano and Rita and I sand some worship songs together, that was my favorite part. That part felt like home. Justin busted out his old out of tune guitar, which I tuned but it still sounded like a dying cat. I miss playing my guitar ah. Anna and Rita play the piano, but Anna totally busted out with these complicated memorized peices of piano music. I knew most of them because my eldest sister Vivian used to play them all the time. Wah, it was very impressive. Listening to her play felt like I was back in Portland sitting on our old couch and being a little kid with glasses half the size of her face.
Then they took me out for some dinner and the food was delicious, as usual, and I stuffed my face, as usual, and felt like a cow afterwards, as usual. Sometimes is difficult not knowing how to communicate or understand what people are saying. I found myself sort of fading into the noise of people slurping soup, and the sound of the AC, people's chopsticks clanking against the bowls and the general clamour of people laughing and talking in cantonese. I wanted to make a rule that they can only speak english for like ten minutes so I could feel more a part of what was going on...but then I'd feel sort of like I was in my classroom. At the same time, I felt very cared for, at least in the way they express it. I felt honored because all of this getting together and driving around and eating was for me. It was a treat designed to let me see more of HK, a treat of which I am most thankful. I'm glad I'm getting around to understanding that if I asked they would have abliged me, which is a comforting thought.