10.Almost every advertisement, magazine, and vendor markets to brides only because they think all grooms are like Drew Barrymore's stupid fiance on “The Wedding Singer”(With the exception of Portland Bride and Groom magazine.)
9. All wedding industry drones say, “This is your day!” with a devilish grin, but what the really mean is, “If you choose to use my services/venue I own your ass.”
8. Common fine print of wedding venues are as follows: Base fee $1500 for 6 hours, if you want carpet on the floor $50, chairs and tables $500, linens $300, forks $100, other utensils are extra, a jug of water $10, light bulbs in the fixtures $50,TP in the bathroom $200, air fresheners in the bathroom $500, and to use your own caterer instead of our overpriced one, you must give a check for %15 percent of the catering bill to my evil organization (this last one is for real).
7. Even the dudes at the tuxedo places are passive aggressive and say things like, “Let me ask you a question: Do you not think that the colors you picked out with this vest and tie would look totally ugly?” or“Wouldn't you rather have what I've just suggested instead of what you just explicitly told me you want?”
6. Wedding industry drones think they have telepathic abilities and tell you exactly what you want and how you would like to have your wedding.
5. Everyone (even perfect strangers) gives you free advice (grit grit grit), even the guy at Men's Warehouse who is still waiting for the right girl to find him on e-harmony.
4. Wedding industry drones are like the storm troopers from Star Wars, only they don't have the same outfits and they technically aren't clones.
3. Finding a place to have your wedding for less than half a million dollars is like being on the Matrix, taking the blue pill, and finding how deep the rabbit hole goes, accept you can't wear cool outfits or beat up the people trying to control your mind.
2. Everyone tells you to by their crap that you could make for a lot less. Example: David's Bridal veil price: $135, vs. Making it your own damn self price: $25.00.
1. Many respectable churches will squeeze just as much, or even more money out of poor bride and grooms to be, or their families, as every one else. They will also be just as controlling and make you pay their pastor to marry and counsel you into matrimony, tell you not to have real rose petals, and make you give a pound of flesh if you break anything in the church or make any noises louder than a mouse screaming “Help me, Help me, I am in a box with a bunch of turtles on Meth.”
