/e passionate

E passionate
Wait the line
Bump bump ching
Clack grrrrrung gruuung pa cha

The brick fell all the way down
Let me go I’m grown
Lift up and inside are bright
Explosiv-sions
Revisions

You are worth it he said
Am i
Is he
Yes
Wait the line
E passionate
It’s not time
At the greyhound at 8:45pm,
I wait for you.

I like it when he comes home.
Then I can hug him and the puffy
Vest is bright and says shhhhhhhhhh

Tired Rubber soles

I found out recently that I have vegan shoes, yes, unwittingly I am vegan in my shoe tastes. Converse shoes are made of rubber soles and canvas so no animals are used nor animal products, in the making of my little shoes. But, do I ever feel like I am wearing these little shoes out. I've been burning the pavement with them over the last couple months and getting tons of miles out of them. I've been to San Diego and back by car from Toppenish, Washington. Which is a feat in itself. Stopping every where in between, San Fransisco, Eugene, Portland. Although, my mind/heart has been even more places than my feet it seems like. Yeah, I started running for the first time ever in my life on my own and so I finally feel that my life is reflecting something more of who I am. I certainly am a runner, not that I really enjoyed running for running accept for when I was little. In elementary school, I ran to school almost every day, there and back just because I could and it was like four blocks. Man I wore out my shoes fast, i was hard on them. Now I'm hard on my tires making them work overtime. In some ways it seems that Gods been doing his best to slow me down a little bit since I can remember. This time I hope I'm running with Him and towards something just as good as my life now. there is this song lyric I think by U2 that says "we're running to stand still." And I think that is part of the design in me, to run to stand still and not to just run to burn out. I'd like to think someday I'll find the way to run hard and rest hard. Right now my soul feels as warn and dirty as the soles of my vegan shoes.
Life takes us on strange pathways, the one before me is too big for me and I know I don't have what it takes today to handle the challenges of tomorrow. It is my hope that somehow on the way I'll find it, pull it out from deep down, give out and still find a treasure at the bottom of my gas tank, an oil field in the bottom of my empty belly. Often i find that is where God is the most tangible and present. Not because he's only there when I'm weak, but because it is there I am humble enough to notice Him. At times I am overwhelmed by the ever changing landscape of this life, with family disbursed, with dear friends out of arms reach, as I struggle to keep time with this chaotic world, and make sense of the decisions we must face in order to survive as whole people. Whole people, not the fractured pieces of selves we strip into to feel loved and accepted. Uncertainty is scary, but I wonder are we ever more certain than we are when we tuck ourselves in bed holding our tired feet and say to to the Holy skies, the mountains, our loved ones, the coyotes, and God almighty, "I'm thankful, whatever it is, I am thankful." With a sigh we are still thankful and that is how we know we're not beyond hope and its still worth the run.