Trail of Hope

The rubber is hitting the road again, on tires and on shoes. Here I am on another road trip, with 13 youth group kids in tow, three vehicles and 6 other staff. Still, we carry a lot more with us than our luggage and food. We also carry our insatiable hunger. I would be essentializing if I tried to sum up what it was we are all hungry for. But there was a speaker this morning at this "Trial of Hope" conference we've traveled to that said in his people's language the word "God" is translated as:"The Chief over and above everything." It seems too, our hunger is narrated in so many ways as we live out our life, and what we are hungering for feels even more elusive than our thoughts. Even the sages of the past like, Lao Tze, searched out what he could only call "the way of heaven". I think if he lived today and was an indigenous person he might of called what he was searching for, the "trail of hope." I'm not sur exactly what it is, the long days, and constant mental and spiritual work out, but this trip I have been especially ravenous in my hunger for the living God, for the Chief over and above everything.
I've been thinking about this song during my time here in Durango, CO at the Fort Lewis College Campus. It talks about this trail of freedom we have to find amidst the painful history of this country. Its the part that talks about looking at the past trail of broken promises, hearing the footsteps of tears along the way and then continuing to look for the trail that will lead us home...and I would add, our home in the Creator.
"There's a trail of tears we could follow, can you hear the footsteps of the Cherokee. Its a trail of broken promises, will you walk this trail with me...
Hey brothers, we must walk with the pride of Cheif Joseph, have the courage of Geronimo. For this trail its long, so you have to be strong, just to find your way back home..." -Bill Miller "Trail of Freedom"
In this time, if I stop and let myself be still for a few moments it doesn't take long to taste that hunger and to feel just how broken I feel inside as well. To see how often I am quick to anger and wrath even though the psalmist said, "Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil." Yet, again I find myself stuck with a choice, to respect the Lord's love for me and let go of my own hurt, or remain in the darkness of my own will. So what is it that I am hungry for besides a meal that isn't from Mcdonalds or Burger King? It seems trite to say, but I think what I desire is communion with God. Not to put him on this list and make sure I've "placed" Him first somehow. But, a deep connection so deep that I am known by Him. Yet,it is my own darkness that keeps me from walking in that direction.