Yet this I call to Mind

Life is full of strange fragile moments. One moment I am greedily playing tennis and then the next a ball slips under my foot and I am bearing down under the pain in my ankle unable to move. This recent event is significant for me because it marks an intense difficulty, a split moment that takes a long time to work out its consequences. Somehow God always uses stuff like this to really get to the point. Like a big pruning shear in the sky, sometimes he swoops down and cuts us down with precision and it hurts but it is definitely bearable and better than eternal separation from God. Through it all I do feel a bit mangled and dragged around like Jeremiah in Lamentations, although he has more right to feel that way than I. I don't mind as much as I used to that I now have to rely on friends to get around, eat, pick up after myself etc. But it is a reminder that one of my fundamental problems is that I am proud of being independent and often think I am a person unto myself, unconnected to God or anyone else. Though I am learning that I'd rather be a sinner with a forgiving, loving heart than a righteous person harboring bitterness and unforgiveness. Still, I am more like Simon the Pharisee who criticized Jesus for letting a "sinful" woman touch him than the woman who poured out her alabaster jar upon our Lords head and wept at his feet in adoration. I long to be the one close to Jesus though, the one who was forgiven much and who loves much. In this process of being hurt and uncovering more of my rotten heart, I have learned that I have been forgiven much even the hidden sins in my heart that no one sees. So, I am encouraged this morning by the words of Lamentations that Jeremiah writes. This man of sorrow who has seen every kind of suffering can call to mind why he has hope.

He has broken my teeth with gravel;
he has trampled me in the dust.

I have been deprived of peace;
I have forgotten what prosperity is.

So I say, "My splendor is gone
and all that I had hoped from the LORD."

I remember my affliction and my wandering,
the bitterness and the gall.

I well remember them,
and my soul is downcast within me.

Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."

The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;

it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.